"here's a theory... uh... for you to disregard... completely." almost famous
here's a little look inside my brain. none of these are finished. i doubt any will ever be, and indeed, most of them hardly ever started. not all the lines from the same day are meant to fit together. some of them are things that just popped into my head that i felt like i should write down. maybe i should have, maybe i shouldn't have. try to keep your expressions of scorn for this dross to a dull roar... this is less than half of all i've got.
02.22.04
new surprises replace the old
and my memory fades with time (in your mind)
you’ve got new wheels to carry you forward
to go on and leave me behind
and our eyes were heavy with sleep
01.30.04
where have they gone, the listening ears
i’m only a shell but they heard my sea
we’ve bid our farewells to those glistening years
and now all that remains here is me
12.13.02
i just got home from yesterday
12.12.02
i wish i had songs to sing for you
and stories that would floor you
my best friend lives just across the street
and i thought you might want to get something to eat i’ve got no excuses now
no excuses now i spent more time loving you than anybody else
11.25.02
into the jesus light of the morning,
my hands still warm from scratching your back
and all the lights turn green for you
11.11.02
it’s just another sunday night
of ani on the radio.
she’s belting out reality,
and i’m probably where i shouldn’t be,
all the thoughts that swim behind your eyes,
trying to conjure up some compromise
that would turn me into your girl. i'm all strung out on broken chords,
on late night food and dirty words,
and the way that "love" is upside down
in the poem you wrote on my fridge.
09.24.02
and there you are in the depths of my heart
in the middle of my mind
and on the stage of my dreams
the birthday boy and his shining smile
tugging at all of my seams
i love you and it’s nice
07.30.02
"your friendship is good for me," she said, "and i don’t know why."
and she hates me now because i’m with you do you know how quickly i fall in love with you
every time i see you? the music floats around your head, baby,
and the words, they float around mine
we should stick together all of the time
07.16.02
all it took was one dream of your laugh
to send me back to the drawing board again
05.05.02
we’re becoming quite friendly, this routine and i,
the disorder of hands, lips, hair, eyes, and beer.
upon useless waking, the destruction of dreams,
saying screw you, love poems. damn these tears.
05.03.02
you are my economics.
there are opportunities, there are costs,
and in the end i just cut my loss.
the empty space created in my heart by you not knowing.
04.28.02
i wanted to sit down and write a poem
that wasn’t so obviously, ridiculously about you
but i have the memory of your love
leaking out of every pore in my skin
pouring out of my thoughts
and into my words
of nights in your car with the piano man,
the best cup of hot chocolate i ever had,
and kissing the back of your neck. so maybe i’ll just never let you read them
and let others marvel at my eloquence,
imagining you
not quite as wonderful as you really were
when you were mine.
04.07.02
you’ve never held me, but when the loneliness comes
i can feel your arms around me.
come to me, and i’ll turn it over to you
if it’s still mine for the giving
and still yours for the taking. someday you’re just going to let it go
and you’re going to let me in
and the tears are going to come streaming down your face
when you realize who i am
and where i came from
and how long i have been on your side. i sit in the dark and write poetry for you
i wonder what you are doing every minute that i think about you
i write you letters that i’ll never send
and i ask myself over and over again
if this is just a phase, something that will pass
or if somehow, someday, this will all pay off
03.30.02
little pieces of you and slivers of me
mingle into mosaics imperfectly
creating beauty for only the sharpest of eyes
of a song that hasn’t been written yet
02.13.02
i had a dream last night
you were dancing with a girl
who was out of focus
but you were as clear
as the best photograph i’ve ever taken.
02.12.02
we go in circles endlessly and end up where we started walking a circumference of the memories we see when we close our eyes follow the roundabout way we know in our hearts there is something that keeps us coming back here every time you take me nowhere i can’t wait to go back up to the very beginning where we started adding columns and columns of random emotions escape from my heart and fit together forming shapes that i know are meant to because there’s no one i’d rather go in circles with than you and me together we go in circles endlessly.
01.31.02
keeping my breath steady and my face dry,
it doesn't matter how hard i try.
eyes ahead, a pace behind.
i take offense to the compliments
and i miss your voice.
a waiting, the wanting, all hope and no choice.
goodbye laughter and hello noise.